New meaning to term 'cheap date'
Ian Sloane '12
Issue date: 10/29/08 Section: Commentary
There are whole bushels of students here at Wheaton that are majoring or planning to major in women's studies. I am friends with a few of them, and it brings me great pleasure to make sexist jokes in their presence. This is, of course, all in good fun, and there are plenty of anti-men jokes that get thrown back at me on a daily basis ("Seventy five reasons a cucumber is better than a man," anyone?).
Today I have a question, addressed to any academic (or social) studiers of women at Wheaton; When will the woman stop playing into the traditional gender role, submitting to a hot and steamy smooch on the lips while griping about male dominance in relationships out of the corner of her mouth?
Earlier this week I was sitting on a friend's bed, eating candy corn and watching Moulin Rouge, when somewhere between "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" and "The Show Must Go On" it dawned upon me. In a surprisingly musical moment of clarity, I realized all women are prostitutes. Not in the strict traditional sense of the prostitute, a woman who trades shiny things for sex, but in a broader, generalized sense. Can you call to mind any serious relationship in which the guy isn't expected to endow the proclaimed love of his life with surprise gifts, anniversary gifts, don't-worry-I-still-love-you gifts, apology gifts, holiday gifts, and any other kind of gifts she can find a reason for beyond "because I said so" and a cute little pout?
When confronted about their lack of action despite their feminist beliefs, almost all of the women's studies types immediately protested, exclaiming, "But I never let him pay for our dates! We split the cost! Doesn't that mean anything?" Yes, it does mean something. It's a good start. But since when is free food the only one-sided benefit a female gleans from a relationship? Lust is nice and love is nicer, but let's be honest. Jewelry, ugly clothes that don't fit, free car rides, ridiculous time commitments (couples shopping is the dumbest idea ever), cuddly things, candy, and shmaltzy gimmicks are the glue that seems to keep most college relationships from fragmenting into a baswillion pieces of sugar-coated rubbish.
Today I have a question, addressed to any academic (or social) studiers of women at Wheaton; When will the woman stop playing into the traditional gender role, submitting to a hot and steamy smooch on the lips while griping about male dominance in relationships out of the corner of her mouth?
Earlier this week I was sitting on a friend's bed, eating candy corn and watching Moulin Rouge, when somewhere between "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend" and "The Show Must Go On" it dawned upon me. In a surprisingly musical moment of clarity, I realized all women are prostitutes. Not in the strict traditional sense of the prostitute, a woman who trades shiny things for sex, but in a broader, generalized sense. Can you call to mind any serious relationship in which the guy isn't expected to endow the proclaimed love of his life with surprise gifts, anniversary gifts, don't-worry-I-still-love-you gifts, apology gifts, holiday gifts, and any other kind of gifts she can find a reason for beyond "because I said so" and a cute little pout?
When confronted about their lack of action despite their feminist beliefs, almost all of the women's studies types immediately protested, exclaiming, "But I never let him pay for our dates! We split the cost! Doesn't that mean anything?" Yes, it does mean something. It's a good start. But since when is free food the only one-sided benefit a female gleans from a relationship? Lust is nice and love is nicer, but let's be honest. Jewelry, ugly clothes that don't fit, free car rides, ridiculous time commitments (couples shopping is the dumbest idea ever), cuddly things, candy, and shmaltzy gimmicks are the glue that seems to keep most college relationships from fragmenting into a baswillion pieces of sugar-coated rubbish.
Viewing Comments 1 - 10 of 72
rach4287
Rachel Brown
posted 10/29/08 @ 8:05 PM EST
This is ludicrous. A friend sent this link (have no idea where she found it) and wow. Since when is "a hot and steamy smooch" in contradiction with opposing male dominance? And when is the last time any reasonable woman actually equated monetary gifts with love? And since when is "time commitment" one of those gifts? Absurd. (Continued…)
jmwilson
JM. Wilson
posted 10/29/08 @ 10:44 PM EST
I would like to ask Mr. Sloane how many long term relationships he has seen in his, what, two months at Wheaton. I believe what he is describing in his article is not accurate in the least, primarily based on the fact that he has too little knowledge of what mature relationships actually entail: commitment, stress, happiness, love. (Continued…)
ML Barrette
posted 10/30/08 @ 2:15 AM EST
Congratulations - this asinine article has made it all the way to Wheaton students abroad. This is disgusting and I can't believe an "author" who speaks in such a derogatory manner about women would choose to study at an institution that's foundation is based on women's education. (Continued…)
Ian Lyons
posted 10/30/08 @ 5:50 AM EST
"In spite of all the hooplah about the modern independent woman, ladies these days are trying to have the best of both worlds by assuming dominant roles but still requiring regular affirmations of love and commitment. (Continued…)
Patricia S.
posted 10/30/08 @ 12:36 PM EST
Comments like this always come from men (or boys) who are less than well-endowed. No, I don't necessarily mean physiologically, although I'm not ruling it out for this brain-dead idiot. (Continued…)
Dan
posted 10/30/08 @ 12:54 PM EST
Ian, You're a douchebag.
You're probably one of those Dungeons and Dragons tools. How many girlfriends have you had? Strike that, boyfriends? You're entitled to your opinion. (Continued…)
S.Obstfeld
posted 10/30/08 @ 1:25 PM EST
I just don't think you understand, Ian. And I mean women and relationships. In a relationship that is serious, where the partners really care about each other, and want it to work, money and so-called presents don't mean a goddamn thing. (Continued…)
Sonny Liston
posted 10/30/08 @ 1:48 PM EST
I honestly don't see what the big deal is about this article. He actually makes some good points. If you read the article you can see that he is one of the smarter people on this planet. (Continued…)
Jacob A. Korzun
posted 10/30/08 @ 2:21 PM EST
I hope you guys get this angry when Wheaton announces this years tuition hike.
Tweeter
posted 10/30/08 @ 2:32 PM EST
Great article! If anyone thinks otherwise you dont know anything about humans or about the world...
"All women are just panty droppers, you give'em a couple percs and a vicoden and the pannntys drop. (Continued…)
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